a false sense of brand loyalty

Tonight I was reading some wiki articles about Sandman, and was lead down a path of researching every DC Comics character who has made a cameo in the series. In particular, I was amazed by the apparently ongoing level of depth that the Swamp Thing comic has had. I got started on this thread by coming to find out that “Matthew the raven” is basically the spirit of a Swamp Thing/Doom Patrol character. I knew as a “matter-of-fact” that John Constantine had made his first appearance in ST, but anyway, I’ll get to the real point:

It’s only been in the last couple years that I’ve really come to understand just how much I missed throughout the 80’s/90’s as a strict Marvel “true believer.”

My view on Science Vs. Religion (for philosophy 102a)

This is actually “pre final draft” but I think I left that version at work. Anyway, this should give you the idea ; P

Breakout Metaphysics

Imagine a prison cell, and inside it are two prisoners. There are no visible windows, bars, doors or other obvious methods of entry or escape. Inside the cell are writing instruments, supercomputers, and enough materials for MacGuyver to potentially create a subatomic particle collider. There is also a manual of dubious origin, supposedly written by “the warden” in the native language of both prisoners that has a code of conduct for prisoners, operating procedures for everything that goes on within the cell and the prison (although neither prisoner can even verify there really is a “rest of the prison.”) There is also a story about how the warden made the cell (and prison) by hand, and reassuring passages promising lucrative rewards and a full pardon upon parole, if a prisoner abides completely with the instructions in the manual – but the catch is that the number one rule is that you never question the warden, try to leave the cell so you can go meet him, or escape the prison. There are lots of contradictions and logical errors in the manual, but only the warden is expected to completely comprehend it, but in the preface the warden says “Trust me, it’s good. You’ll see.”

The slacker’s fulcrum

When I was in the navy, there was a subcategory of “fleet returnees” (people who got out of the navy, then came back in.) who tried to get out and pursue the most “productive” life possible, given their new found freedoms.. (freedom to choose/quit jobs, freedom to enroll in classes beyond the scope of the 5 classes in buisness management they offer on-base at naval stations, freedom to sleep normal hours, etc..) but for all their good intentions, these guys had difficulty adjusting to a 40 hour work week, plus night school, or vice versa, and after a year or two of civilian life, returned to the fold and re-enlisted.

Note: Just as a point of clarification, some of those guys were among the coolest I worked with.. others were absolute nazi dickheads. “Your mileage may vary..”

After I’d been in long enough to become completely disenchanted and disgruntled with the ‘nav, these guys seemed like the sorriest bitch-asses of all. I mean, wasn’t that everyone’s dream? To work towards their goals, with the freedom to make their own choices along the way? I solemnly swore that when I was finally free of my self-imposed indentured servitude, I would cut myself loose from uncle sam’s yolk, piss on it, and never look back..

Ahh.. what a young and naive little indentured servant I was. Here I am just short of a year out from my discharge, and almost every day I look back. It probably doesn’t help that I work, and sit across from a guy I served with on the Nimitz, but even if he weren’t there I’m sure that I would find my mind wandering back to my time in the navy.

So anyway, back to those fleet returnees. Now that I’ve walked a mile in their shoes, I understand.

I now understand how easy the navy actually was. As long as you put one foot in front of the other and walked the dotted line they painted in front of you. After you’d been doing it long enough, it seemed like you could see the painters further and further down the road, and could even anticipate or at least cope with the twists and turns that got thrown at you. I think that’s why so many of the Chiefs and senior Officers were always so calm, they were looking at things from an almost bird’s eye view while the rest of us were just scrambling around on the ground.

By comparison, in civilian life, I’m now painting my own lines. The unfortunate side-effect is of course that I can’t tell if I’m heading in the right direction, or just steadily painting myself towards a brick wall. The challenges I now face along the way are intellectual, and occasionally emotional.. compared to the physical, ethical, and spiritual challenges of my previous occupation. Yet, I haven’t feel so free and in control of my own destiny since I was a teenager, except this time I’m taking responsibility and the concept of “planning for the future” into account (something that I begrudgingly admit the navy beat into my psyche.)

So where’s the conflict? Well, the other dark side of being a civilian, (and here’s where the “IMHO arm-chair psychology folk wisdom” comes into play) is the force of SLACK(ing), the ultimate goal of pleasure, but also the ruthless deteriorationator of goals. If there was a little red cartoon devil, telling me not to do my homework, and to fire up the wii and finish No More Heroes – SLACK would be thy name. I can tell that I’m reaching the tipping point of going into full PRODUCTIVITY MODE because the evil whisperings of SLACK have never been so great. Believe it or not, I have recently contemplated not attempting a Comp Sci degree in favor of the following professions:

- writing (sci-fi? drama? children’s books? I don’t know… I TOLD YOU IT WAS A HALF-BAKED IDEA!!)

- stand up comedy (I don’t make nearly enough money to support the caffeine and drug habit it would take to keep myself consistently funny! .. DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB MUTHAFUCKA!!)

- acting ( THE ULTIMATE SLACKER PROFESSION, and honestly, I can’t even “act” personable most of the time..)

So obviously, the subconscious war for my free time/destiny has begun.

The most effective way I’ve found to counter my own faltering discipline in times like these is just to keep following the plan, which right now means starting school in the fall, then signing up for spring semester, then summer, etc etc.. I actually do plan to write something, someday – but for right now devoting myself to that would be a major distraction. At least I’m working towards a goal. I can only imagine what it’s going to be like trying to rally my willpower up 3-4 years from now once I actually have my degree and have to start putting some kind of a portfolio together and trying to break into the game industry, or failing horribly and scouring craigslist for a Web 3.0 java job ; P

So I’m just clenching my teeth and crossing my fingers at this point, trying not to be one of those fleet returnees..